Hello Confluence:
Did you hear the latest.... A rumoured discovery of a new element rocks Bay Street!
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by SouthernEra's exploration team while searching for diamonds in Canada's Far North.
The element, tentatively named SUFadministratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one chief executive neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice executive neutrons and 111 assistant vice executive neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called the Board of Morons. It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, SUFadministratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically, because it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to a SouthernEra spokesman, a minute amount of SUFadministratium causes one reaction to take more than four weeks to complete when it would normally have taken less than a day. SUFadministratium has a normal half-life of approx. three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion transfers to the assistant neutrons, vice executive neutrons and assistant vice neutrons. In fact, a SUFadministratium sample's mass is expected to increases over time, since with each reorganization, some of the Board of Morons may become neutrons, forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some to speculate that perhaps SUFadministratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical Board of Morass".
Regards. Goalie. |
