O.T./ We need to <ggg> -- Chen's Best Friend
Beijing could be on a winner
By ADI IGNATIUS
March 20, 2000
Web posted at 11 a.m. Hong Kong time, 10 p.m. EST
China tried to scare Taiwan's electorate into voting against Chen Shui-bian. As predicted in this column last week, the effort was doomed to backfire. Sure enough, in a dramatic victory Saturday, Chen won the presidency. A similar thing happened in 1996, of course, when the missiles Beijing launched over the Taiwan Strait to disrupt the presidential election helped deliver a resounding victory for Lee Teng-hui.
Anyone detect a pattern? If China's officials do, and if they're feeling entrepreneurial, they might just be able to turn this into a business. So, let's jump forward to September 2000, two months before the U.S. presidential election. Opinion polls show George W. Bush is way behind Al Gore...
Bush: How'm I gonna win this thing?
Adviser: We can still get you the endorsement of the National Rifle Association, Moms for Execution and most of the Bob Jones Choir.
Bush: That won't do it.
Adviser: Well, for a fee, Beijing's willing to help.
Bush: How they gonna do that? Gore's helpin' 'em get that dang trade deal.
Adviser: The People's Daily's got a plan.
Bush: Yeah? What is it?
Adviser: Depends how much you're willing to pay. For $1 million, the paper will call you the Sinner of the Month. For $2 million, the Sinner of the Past Year and a Half or So. And for $5 million, it will brand you the Sinner of All Time.
Bush: Sooo-eeee! What's that last one worth?
Adviser: Probably five or six ticks in the polls.
Bush: That ain't chicken feed. What else they got up their sleeves?
Adviser: Well, this would probably cost you big-time, but they're willing to put that Premier Rongji guy on TV wagging his finger warning that a Bush victory could unleash a Chinese invasion.
Bush: Of the U.S.?
Adviser: Of Puerto Rico. They seem to like islands. But that's a start.
Bush: So what do I do while all this is going on?
Adviser: Just keep cool while the dragon spews its fire.
Bush: Sounds like fun, boys. I'm startin' to feel presidential.
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