If I wasn't sure that I'd get screwed in some unpleasant way, I'd short 1.5 shares of PALM against my entire COMS position. But, given recent history and current unexplicable valuations, I'm choosing to let it just hang out there instead.
Hope you had an enjoyable and profitable trip! I'm going end of next week. My brother-in-law is feeling sorry for me after what his sister pulled on me last week.....
12:45 - at lunch. The Mrs. is calling on my cell.
"The garage door won't go up, and I need to meet Julie for lunch."
"Why won't the door go up?"
"I don't know, but the light won't go on either."
"Is the power out?"
"Yes."
"Okay, you see the red handle hanging from the garage door opener above your car."
"Yeah."
"Pull it. You'll hear it pop."
"Okay. Done."
"Okay. The door is disengaged from the opener. Go lift the garage door."
"Ugh. I can't."
"Why?"
"It won't move."
"It should lift easily."
"It won't. "
"Humm. Okay. Let me ask again. Are the lights off in the house?"
"No."
"Huh? The lights are on?"
"Yes."
Sigh. "Well, a breaker must have tripped."
"Yeah, there are some guys in the back yard working on the dock with some power saws."
(Chorus: Those damn guys. I have to leave. Why do you have people working here? I hate it! You should stay home for this. I don't have time. I have things to do. Damn it!)
"No need to complain... it won't help the situation. Go ask them to find the breaker they tripped and turn it back on."
"I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT! I don't want to have anything to do with those guys. I don't know them."
(Chorus, ad nausuem))
(5 minutes of pleading with her to go ask them to reset the breaker, to no avail.)
"Okay, fine. We'll try it the hard way. Open the breaker box."
"Which one?"
"There are two of them side by side. Pick one."
"Which one?"
"It doesn't matter! Try the left one."
"Okay."
"Which breaker says 'garage'?"
"I don't know."
"Uhhh....try reading the labels."
(Chorus)
She reads each label, one at a time, out loud.
"Dining room."
"Nope - that's not 'garage!"
"Upstairs bedroom."
"Nope."
"Refrigerator."
"Nope." (You get the idea).
"Last one. Pool pump."
"Nope. None of those said "garage", hon. Open the other breaker box."
(Chorus)
"The one on the right?"
"Is there another?"
(Chorus)
She reads each label, one at a time, out loud.
"Damn it! None of these say "garage door" and there's only one left!!!"
"What does it say?"
"Garage lights. It doesn't say anything about garage door."
"Uh huh. Did you happen to notice that the door openers -are- the light too? Nevermind, flip it off."
"Which way is off?"
"The opposite direction as all the other breakers."
"That's to the left. Okay, done."
"Now, flip it back on."
"To the right?"
"Is there another way?"
"(Chorus) The light just came on."
"Excellent. Go raise your door."
"It won't go up."
(Chorus)
"Why not?"
"(Chorus) I don't know. It's making noise, but it's not going up. I have to leave, now!"
"Will my door go up?" (a fatal question!)
"Yeah. Why won't my door go up? (Chorus)"
"Forget the bitching. Did you possibly latch the door?"
"I don't know."
"Go look."
"What do I look for."
"There's a latch, with a rod sticking out to the sides."
"A what with a what?"
Sigh. 20 flipping minutes of trying to explain handles, latches' rods, rails and holes, to no avail. (Multiple repeats of the chorus intertwined.)
"Can you raise the door by hand?"
"No. Damn it! I'm going to try and back out of your side."
"NO. NO. DO NOT DO THAT! THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU TRY AND DO THAT! YOU'LL HIT THE SUPPORT COLUMN BETWEEN THE DOORS, OR SOMETHING ELSE. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM. DO NOT DO IT!"
"REPEAT! NO. NO. DO NOT DO THAT! THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU TRY AND DO THAT!"
Chorus. Chorus. Chorus.
"Julie will be here in a few minutes."
"Good, maybe she understands plain English and has some grey matter that works. Have her call me when she gets there. If I can't make you understand in 45 minutes, I can't make you understand." Click.
Wait. Think. Alert! Redial! "Hello!? Hon? Just in case I wasn't clear... DO NOT TRY AND BACK OUT OF MY SIDE. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU TRY AND DO THAT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!"
(Chorus). Click.
Ring. "Hello?"
"Julie is here."
"Fine. Put her on the phone."
"Hi."
"Hello. Do me a favor... see if her door is latched."
"No, it isn't."
"Okay. Can you raise the door?"
Pause. Rrrr...rrrr..rrrr.rrrr. "Okay, it's up."
Silence. "Okay... can you push the button for her door?"
"Yeah. It's going down."
"Wait for it to stop. Then push it again."
"Okay, it's going up."
"Uh huh."
(Background: "He didn't tell me to reach down and grab the handle!")
"Thanks, doll. "
"You're welcome. Here's your wife."
"I'm so stupid."
"Well, if there was any doubt about that, we dispelled it today, didn't we, hon!"
"I'm sorry."
"Never mind. Good bye." Click.
Soooooooooooooooooo................
I'm getting home tonight, and as I drive down the street, I see light coming through the side of her garage door in a different way than I have ever seen before. I park, look at the door, and note that it's been bashed out from the inside by about 3-4". Sheet metal is warped, and the rails are all bent.
"HOW THE (explecitive deleted) DID THAT HAPPEN?" (as if I didn't know)
"It couldn't have been me, because my bumper isn't scratched."
"I TOLD YOU TO NOT TRY AND BACK OUT OF MY SIDE! TEN TIMES!"
"I thought I could make it."
"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" |
