I understand the President routed your email to Janet Reno who in turn routed it to the head of Immigration Service and now they wish to oust Bill G. from the USA.
Dear Mr. President:
As a longtime shareholder in technology stocks, and also a sympathetic follower of the Elian Gonzalez story, I have a modest proposal which I believe the countries of Cuba and the United States will find literally to be a no-brainer.
Though I sympathize with a parent's right to keep his child, and also am against case-by-case treatment in the media of illegal alien cases, I believe that by now it is certain that if Elian is returned to Cuba he will be indoctrinated into being a spokesman for Communism and will be deprived of a normal life.
When Castro dies, I am certain his successor will recognize that the only way to help the Cuban people out of their current rut of socialistic poverty is to move the island forward toward democracy and capitalism. It is in the interest of the United States and its people, both from a security and a trade economics point of view, to help accelerate this process. One way to do this is to lend Cuba the help of some of the best and the brightest investment minds at our disposal to reorient their thinking away from slave farm labor and toward, for example, investments in DELL and CPQ.
Therefore I propose the following swap. Make Elian Gonzalez a U.S. citizen with a special private bill so he can stay here and escape a life of involuntary servitude as a manipulated spokesman for Cuban communism. This means that we deprive Castro of a "human trophy", and he won't like it. To mollify him, I suggest that in exchange for one human trophy, we give him another: Dale J., an investor whose in-depth understanding of markets has again and again enriched himself and those around him. This trade will take the sting out of keeping the Gonzalez boy, while at the same time providing Cuba with the financial wizardry necessary to enable that blighted country to pull itself into the world economic mainstream by its own bootstraps, probably in record time. Mr. President, it's a win-win-win-win (where the winners are Elian Gonzalez, Cuba, the U.S., and the regulars on the SI SUNW thread).
I urge you to consider this proposal at length. You won't be sorry. Call me.
Regards,
--QwikSand |
