Fear and uncertainty were palpable tonight in Techville, following the brutal assault on the
tech stocks. Sources close to the investigation say that the prime suspects are the notorious
SHORTS gang, although the Flight to Quality movement has been active in the area where
the attack took place.
An smirking spokesman for the SHORTS gang, Abby, denied any direct role in the
battering, as did noted financial genius and sound money advocate LARS JURGENSEN.
Rather, they fingered the Market Forces Mafia as being the culprits in the attack, and noted
that Tech Stocks had repeatedly been warned that they were highly vulnerable to just this
sort of loss.
The plot has thickened, meanwhile, as reports continue to come in of The Goldbug gang,
very passive until today, going on the rampage in tech-town, leaving a trail of battered
stocks.
However, in an act of compassion for the deluded fools who stuck their money and
hallucenigenic fast-buck hopes into overhyped, overvalued tech stocks, Lars joined with
SHORT gang members Turret & Ruthless Investor in an act of charity for the fleeced tech
suckers, er, investors. Lars announced that with the profits from his gold stocks, which rose
between 9% and 50% today (HM & GOLD, respectively) he will sponsor a soup kitchen for
former tech stock longs.
In addition, Sally Strouthers has agreed to make a direct television appeal, tugging on
America's heartstrings to fund "3 hots and a cot" for the Broke & Stupid crowd. In addition,
funds will pay for long-term in-residence psychotherapy for Marketstud (an obnoxious
gold-basher), who was found curled in a fetal position, sobbing, while on the line to his
broker.
Stay tuned for tomorrows update: Gold Runs Riot!
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