Is this allowed on the CFZ (g)
THIS WAS COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING - (the author is responding to
a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that
caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all
the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what we're aiming for. Sometimes I go
into the washroom, start to pee and then just start spinning around; just
so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's
penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall
because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the
toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet
paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little
buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer
allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down
and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she
had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee
soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the
seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but
because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy
guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies
need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most mornings
us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis
so hard you could cut diamonds with it.
Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend,
and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no
choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat
cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have
to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control our less than perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in
here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with
that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing
until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that
compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat
comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not
lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I
told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you
to do all the rest of the time."
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's
is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage
it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the
room.
Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under
the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack
between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You
piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to
that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in
front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning
urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the
toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time
precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl
during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame.
We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness,
but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our
fault, it's just Mother Nature. |
