Clinton Orders Court To Destroy Elian Psych Report as Drug Doc Bolts for Havana With Elian in Luggage
News/Current Events News Keywords: ELIAN DRUGGED
Source: newswhacks
Published: May 16, 2000 Author: Carl Limburger and NewsWhacks.com Staff
Posted on 05/16/2000 13:38:50 PDT by MsLady
Flanked by Cuban officials at Washington and wearing a T-Shirt that said: "I traveled 1000 miles to drug Elian and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!", Marxist medico Dr. Caridad Ponce de Liar told reporters on Monday that her patient, six-year-old Elian Gonzalez, is doing "very well," then the Cuban pediatrician, guns blazing, hastily boarded a plane to return to her native Cuba. Before the hangar door closed, the defiant socialist drug pusher shouted: "Muerta al pescador capitalistico", a menacing reference to four-time wed hero housecleaner Donato Dalrymple.
Despite Dr. Ponce de Liar's reassuring words, the 11th Circuit Court of Apples and Oranges in Atlanta has refused a request from The Daily Delay, a newspaper published by a prominent U.S. Congressman, to release a report from two American mental health experts on the child's condition. The only reason the court of Apples and Oranges gave for its refusal was that: "It might anger the great bearded-one." Insiders speculated that since such a report would not likely draw the wrath of tenor Luciano Pavarotti, the statement was probably a veiled reference to the mad dog Cuban leader, Fido Castro.
The report's authors, Dr. Paulina Plantain and social worker Susan Mary Leysis, were appointed by the Democratic National Committee to monitor Elian's progress. The two experts declined last week to recommend extending the visa of Dr. Ponce de Liar, who was tackled and force-frisked by radio host Rush Limbaugh on her way to visit Elian at the Wye River plantation last month. Limbaugh confiscated a stethoscope that he later described on air as "as cold as a commie's heart."
The sedatives Miltown, Valium and phenobarbitol were administered to Limbaugh later in that same broadcast so that he could gauge "the effects such powerful narcotics could have on a freedom loving boy such as young Elian." Limbaugh reported that so far his experiment had been inconclusive, but that he would repeat the dosages daily until blood samples could be analyzed by a consortium of capitalist physicians selected from a drop down list at Drkoop.com.
Elian's father, Juan Miguel Gonzalez, and Mr. Gonzalez's lawyer Greg Craig argued that Dr. Ponce de Liar's presence was a great benefit to Elian. Craig told a radio interviewer last week that the six-year-old found his pediatrician "comforting." Craig denied reports that Dr. de Liar was really at Wye to provide "happy pills" to a mystery celebrity who has had full use of the secluded compound since 1977, but has not been seen in public since that date. Craig said whoever believes that such a mystery celebrity resides at Wye, "ain't nothin but a hound dog."
After a two hour visit with Elian on April 25th, which included a 12 mile "getting to know you jog", Dr. Plantain noted that Elian seemed to tire easily, though she said he was adjusting well otherwise after his heroic rescue from the home of his drunken uncle and hysterical fisherman-harboring cousin three days earlier.
INS spokeswoman Maria Cardenas told the The Daily Delay Thursday that, "Overall, (the report) is very glowing." But when asked if Plantain and Leysis noted any troubles or concerns, Cardenas said, "There are details in there I can't talk about, or I'll be Vince-Fosterized. Get it?"
Likewise, Cardenas was at a loss to explain Dr. Ponce de Liar's sudden decision to leave the country Monday. "She was scheduled to be a lifeline on Friday's Who Wants to be a Millionaire?. Some people just can't take that type of pressure."
"We're trying to figure out why she left. We made it clear we were leaning towards extending (her visa)," an INS spokesman told the Delay on Monday. "She also was scheduled to have dinner that night with Elvis. Who isn't here at Wye. I mean, he's dead, right?" |
