NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED
Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the
heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has
been tentatively named Administratium (Ad). The new element has no
protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does,
however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons,
and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can
be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into
contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete
when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years;
it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice
neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass
will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some
of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This
characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the
"Critical Morass". You'll know it when you see it. |
