Hi again George,
At the risk of beating a rapidly dying horse, your last paragraph again indicates that you're reading a great deal more into our poems than we actually said. Mine was a lullaby to a three year old. I also had a one year old- Twenty four hours of each day were spent with them. This may be where men and women, in general, experience child rearing differently. Fulltime moms have a feeling of ultimate responsibility for every area of that child's life-from the provision of the milk that is actually produced by their bodies to his daily intellectual stimulation. Alexa and I are highly educated, creative, energetic and committed. When we decided to make motherhood our careers, we did it with all we had to give. We believe in what we do. I reread both our poems and didn't see any "exaltation" of motherhood at all.
When a man gives 100% to a career, he gets raises, more responsibility, more money, many extrinsic and intrinsic rewards. If it's a job he truly loves, has given his all to, invested heavily in, would he not feel sad if some arbitrary time expired on that job and he were faced with involuntary retirement? His pride in the job he has done is not diminished, his joy in what he has accomplished is still there, but surely there is a void left by a loss of something that has been so totally his focus for 18 years? And that is even without the complex and often overwhelming love and devotion that comes with parenting
Personal loss? Absolutely-devastation, not at all. My lullaby was written when my son was three--I could hardly rejoice at my "success" yet! What I did sense was the feeling that I now experience as we look at colleges and plan his future. What will I do now that he is gone? Hopefully, find other meaningful aspects of life to focus on, to bring my intelligence and energy to.
We expressed nothing unusual or unhealthy or even particularly profound yesterday. Why were you so troubled by it? Your hostility seemed to grow toward Alexa and I wonder why? Or maybe this is best left alone at this point. Were you the one who called this thread the soccer mom thread?? That would make all this even more interesting. |
