<SANDY, Ore.--A 21st century version of an Old West range war has arrived at the doorstep of George and Kathy Culp. Instead of cattle and sheep, the dispute centers on the couple's decision to let a cell phone company put a 250-foot tower on their raspberry farm.
It's turned serious: Someone fired four bullets into their ranch house last month, with one of the slugs barely missing a sleeping teenager. A fifth bullet pierced their sport-utility vehicle.
Left on the windshield was a note that read: "Your lives are in danger unless the cell tower is stopped." It was signed "an agent of Coalman Road Neighborhood."
Arguments over where to place cell phone towers have been going on for years, but experts say this is the first time it's turned violent. >
Hey! I just got an idea. Why don't they put the cellphone tower 1000 km away where it won't offend anyone, then put a satellite up in space so people can send a signal from their phone, direct to the satellite which could relay it to the distant cell phone tower?
That way, there wouldn't need to be towers all over the place. People wouldn't see them and worry about getting radiation while they are minding their own business, sunbathing on the porch. At the moment, they are happily enjoying a sunny day, then they look up and see a damn cellphone tower looming over them, covering them with microwaves. It must be dangerous because they are really weird-looking.
Since there would only need to be a couple of cellphone towers to cover the whole of USA, Australia, or other big countries, it would be much cheaper than building thousands of towers all over hundreds of cities and towns. Heck, it would even cover remote farms which can't afford their own cellphone tower at the moment.
There would need to be only about 4 satellites over the country to make sure there weren't too many shadows [say you were beside a building - a satellite over the other way could still pick up the signal].
Yeah! That's the ticket. It would only cost about 7c a minute which, even if you add a lot on for marketing costs and profit, would be pretty reasonable. Say 40c a minute to cover everywhere. That's cheaper than building cellphone towers for 40 hillbillies who mostly shoot at each other.
Mqurice |
