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Pastimes : G&K Investing for Curmudgeons
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To: Uncle Frank who wrote (2908)6/20/2000 2:50:00 PM
From: Jay  Read Replies (2) of 22706
 
June 20, 2000

On the heels of their victory against Microsoft, the DOJ has announced
they plan to "break-up" Tiger Woods. DOJ's lead prosecutor, Joel Klein,
claims Tiger uses unfair golfing techniques which stifle his competition.
Klein also stated that he doesn't necessarily want to "break-up" Tiger
Woods; however, if they can't find some way to handicap him enough to
allow other golfers to win then there would be no other choice. Under a
break-up plan Tiger Woods would have to play half his tournaments as
"Tiger" and the other half as "Woods". Although this may not give other
golfers an advantage it would increase the tax revenue to the government.

Tiger Woods said he plans to fight these charges. He has done nothing
wrong except practice hard and play-to-win.

Mark Fitzpatrick, anti-trust expert, said, "This "play-to-win" attitude is
what started all Tiger's problems. If Tiger would just allow other's to
win he would not have a monopoly on the golf course. He really brought
this upon himself. He should have known the government couldn't allow
this much golfing power in the hands of just one person. If I was Tiger,
I would settle out of court. An appropriate remedy might be that he has
to wear handcuffs when driving and stand on one foot while putting.
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