Look what I happened across.
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To: Josef Svejk who wrote
From: Kevin Watson send member a private note
of 98 Posted at: 7/11/00 6:05:03 PM
Dear Chernobyl Resident:
On behalf of the entire Supreme Nuclear Directorate, we are writing to apologize for the issues that have occurred in your city over the past couple weeks.
As many of you know, we rolled out a new reactor infrastructure. Our intent was to provide a better platform to support the growth of your community. Clearly, the rollout did not happen according to plan; we ran into a number of unanticipated issues, many of which you have noted. Again, we apologize for not testing to prevent these issues, and we are sorry for any inconvenience or death that may have been caused.
At this point, the new reactor is in place, and we have tackled the critical bugs. If you notice anything out of place, or interesting mutations amongst your immediate family, please do not hesitate to let us know.
We fully recognize that you exist to support our lavish lifestyle, and with fewer of you around, our style is going to be somewhat cramped. We also want you to know that we intend to continue investing in Chernobyl's infrastructure, to support its continued growth. After all, we all want Chernobyl to be world-famous, and we know that what truly makes Chernobyl great is its tremendous captive slave-worker community.
Frankly, with this thought in mind, you deserve more than an apology. You have proven, time and again, that you know what it takes to toil within a high-quality state-controlled economy. You have proven it by making Chernobyl the hottest nuclear-powered community in the Ukraine, and we appreciate the contributions that each of you continue to make. And since no simple apology can re-write these events, we have an offer that we believe shows our commitment to your community and to your ownership of that community.
To that point, we are giving you the ability to give a free, lifetime Chernobyl Residence Permit to anyone you deem worthy. You have consistently demonstrated that you genuinely have our own best interest in mind, so we are confident that you will invite only the highest quality individuals to join your community. Please note: We have no intention of making Chernobyl a "free" community, which is why we must limit this offer to one request per resident, and requests must be submitted by the end of July.
Each Chernobyl resident will be allowed to offer one non-radioactive person a free one-way pass to join our glowing, warm community. We hope that this will serve as a small token of our appreciation for your patience and continued support, and hopefully will bring in some warm bodies to replace the warm bodies who are no longer with us.
As always, please let us know how we can profess to serve you better, even as we treat you as a gigantic collective experiment.
Regards,
Boris Burnem
Managing Director, Chernobyl Nuclear Energy Directorate,
Senior Vice President, Testing Is For Pussies, Inc.
Vladimir C. Geiger
Supreme Chairman and CEO,
Chernobyl Nuclear Energy Directorate
marketspirit.com
Stock Forum Go2Net
To: Kevin Watson who wrote
From: Josef Svejk send member a private note
of 98 Posted at: 7/12/00 8:31:40 AM
Humbly report, Boris, I got your letter this morning. While I was reading it my fingers fell off, so I'm typing this with my tongue.
Unfortunately, I am no longer certain what exactly the letter said, since it spontaneously combusted and burned down my file cabinet when I tried to save it. Luckily I managed to put out the fire with some bodily fluids before the whole house burned down.
If I remember correctly, you are offering me the ability to give a free, lifetime Chernobyl Residence Permit to anyone I deem worthy. Unfortunately my family and friends are all dead or gone, but I have some lovely friends in the Mafia that have been dying to become residents for a long time, in order to contribute in their unique way to the Chernobyl community. I'll make sure and ask them to join us!
Also, some of the Mafia folks that are already members have been waiting for a long time for the ability to get a second Residence, in order to contribute more than a single Residence makes possible. I am therefore sending my sincerest thanks, since your offer will make double Residences a reality for them. I am all a twitter with anticipation of the creative uses to which these double Residences will be put!
Glowingly,
Cheers,
Svejk
marketspirit.com
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And who can forget that funny guy Kevin? #reply-12791153 |
