Vince,
Most parents aren't going to suggest their child go play doctor with either Tommy or Mary.
Don't you think most parents just assume their child is heterosexual in the same way they assume he or she is "normal" (that is, falling within the normal population statistically in preferences) in other things? I don't think parents try to guide them into specific sexual behaviors at all. (If anything, American parents are terribly uptight about ANY display of sexuality in small children). This doesn't mean that a certain amount of encouragement of boy-girl behaviors isn't reinforced, but I think SEXUAL actions are not encouraged.
To me, there is a very great difference between accepting a child's sexual preferences as part of the wonderful person he is, and loving him "in spite of" his sexual preferences. (I use the pronoun he only for convenience here). The latter implies that he is making some sort of behavioral choice, but that you, wonderful loving parent, will rise above it and love him anyway. Sort of like having a child in jail for murder and still standing by him. This is better than rejecting him completely, but it is still rejecting of a part of him and I don't find it the ideal response.
As a parent I want my sons to have love in their lives, and of course I prefer it to be complete with family, children, social acceptance. I would spare them the pain and the price exacted by society for "choosing" the homosexual lifestyle if I could. But we may not have that choice, any more than they do, any more than they could choose their eyecolor or their left-handedness.
Helping a child who has come out to get good, reliable information, to find support groups, to allow his feelings to be valid, to help him make good, responsible decisions about his life, and to respect these decisions--all these seem to me to be what X and Steven are saying.
It is not a question of encouragement toward a specific direction, but acceptance of a direction over which they have no choice. |
