OT Sad but True
If Noah had lived in the United States in modern times
the story may have gone something like this:
"And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am
going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with
water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save
the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing
on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications
for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and
agreed to build the ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the
earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard
weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best,
but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit
for construction, and your plans did not meet the building
codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or
not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved
floatation devices.
Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating
zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so
I had to get a variance from the City Planning Commission.
Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
that I really needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take
the 2 owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had
to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations
Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer.
Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark but still no owls.
"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal
rights group sued me.
They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard.
This suit is pending.
Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on
your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the
idea that they had no jurisdiction over conduct of the
Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers
demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a
globe."
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed
with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.
The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building
the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them
some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a
recreational water craft'. And finally, the ACLU go the
courts to issue an injunction against further construction
of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth,
it's a religious event, and, therefore, unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five
or six years.
Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to
shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arced across
the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not
going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The Government
will." |
