OT> . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . STORY TIME . . . . . . . . .
OK, now that it is slow. . .I'll tell a little story. . .
Yesterday, I had an out-of-town meeting. . . established a minority [Native American] construction/industrial corporation to compete in the government contract biz. And all went well. . .but by the time I finished my work there, it was 11pm. . .and of course I missed lunch with my trading. . . and worked right through the dinner hour. . . so driving through Nashville I'm looking for any restaurant open that doesn't rhyme with "Awful House."
I pull down into the Vanderbilt University area where restaurants tend to stay open late. . . and pull into the first one I see. . . .but as I get out, I hear the roar of a crowd. . .turns out it's a college hangout called MOJO's. . . I would probably look like a crazed father checking up on his daughters. . . .don't even get me started on that one. . . my wife's 17 yr old has her own "life" now. . . . [something that I wish those on CNBC that insist on talking about the AFFLACK DUCK would get.]
I quickly made an about face. . . which no doubt saved mine. . . and drove 2 blocks to the next late night restaurant. Unfortunately, driving down the brightly lit Broadway, I hadn't noticed that I had forgotten to turn my headlights back on. . . though a policeman quickly took note. He was so young, he would have been turned away from the door at MOJO's. He cited me for "careless driving". . . which he explained meant "forgetting to turn on headlights while driving 2 blocks down a brightly lit boulevard with not another car in sight". . . .well OK, not really.
I called my wife from the cell phone. NO!! Not THAT cell phone. . . . the one I carry in my shirt pocket! I coined a few new expletives while telling her about the ^%?*^! citation. . . .but I'd better not go there.
So now I'm back to saving face. There is something about sitting in a restaurant parking lot, in front of a squad car lit up like Dennis Rodman's Christmas Tree, that makes you not that anxious to walk in. So now it is minutes to midnight. . . and I squeeze into a pizza shop as they lock the door behind me. And what is it about pizza that goes so well with midnight?
So the drive home is about 35 miles. . . .and if anyone remembers the story of when I fell asleep on Interstate 10 near Palm Springs and awoke somewhere out in the desert with tumbleweed flying over the car. . . you'll know that I am driving on borrowed time.
Now the final 10 miles home must be driven on busy two lane country roads. . .at least until the Country Music Stars get out of the way of the bulldozers trying to push the I-840 Expressway through forgotten cow pastures. . . I guess they are afraid that progress might ruin paradise. . .For me it means a dramatic decrease in teenage head-on collisions on the winding narrow country lanes. . . and with 4 teenagers in the house. . .that takes precedent over any paradise lost. For that matter paradise out here is highly over rated. . . . at least in August it is. . . . .too many bugs. . . .and what the heck are "Chiggers"?
So as I'm rounding the narrow curves on the darkest tree lined road you ever saw in your life. . . twisty. . turny. . .dark. . .little hills. . . . trees everywhere. . .twisty. . . dark . . .ZZZZZ ZZZZ ZZZZ ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. . . . . .
WHOA!!!
>slap!< >slap!<
Better turn up that CD player!
And as I round the next bend and bring the car back up to 60 mph for the straightaway ahead. . . I spot the bushy white tail of a doe heading into the forest. . . she must have crossed the road ahead of me. . . . . now I have a hard and fast rule in my home. . . that at the first sign of deer. . . ."hit the brakes and bring the car to a stop, watch for more deer, then proceed with caution." . . .or in some instances. . . "raise your weapon and fire" . . .but that was pre-Y2K. . . .deer are back to being "Bambi" now.
So just as my foot hits the brakes. . .a big buck jumps right out in front of me. . . .now I am locked in a skid from 60 MPH to Zero!! The buck sees me coming and instead of proceeding forward off the road. . . . . he uses his Deer Brain and decides he's going to out run me! So he turns to run down the road away from my skidding vehicle. . . and of course his hoofs are slip sliding from under him as he attempts a 90 degree left turn at a full sprint. . .
Now it looks as if he's a gone'r. . . I can't swerve due to the sharp drop-offs and oncoming traffic. . .so I am skidding down the road right at him. . . . . he regains his footing. . . .I'm cheering him on. . . "GO!! GO!! GO!! GO!!. . .
The skid is slowly slowing me down. . . like the final scene in "The Longest Yard". . . and he begins to outrun me. . . right on down the road in front of me and finally out of sight into the woods.
>big sigh of relief< [which lasts all of 2 seconds]
I am at a dead stop on a dark road just beyond a sharp curve!!
I quickly jam back into gear so I don't get rear-ended by the truck I had seen in my rear-view mirror a few seconds earlier. . . I continue on . . .
.
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It is 1AM.
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I am awake.
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I am fully and absolutely awake!!!
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And now I'm home.
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Rande Is |
