Steven....
>>>>From Old/NO to New/GO....>>>>
>>You seem to have a real bug up your butt about risk/reward calculation, and especially about teaching children to calculate risk and reward. I know how you hate real-world examples, but face it, every one of our kids, before leaving the teens, will probably be tempted to drive after drinking, or to have unprotected sex, or to accept a ride from a friendly stranger, or to experiment with crack or speed, etc., etc. What would you want your kid to say under such circumstances, GO or NO? And how do you expect a kid who has never been taught to balance risk and reward to make an intelligent decision?
The job of a parent is not to teach a kid to say GO or NO, or to teach that one is better than the other. The job of a parent is to teach that there are times when GO is the right move, and times when NO is the right move, and ways to tell the difference. I think you know that's true; I'm curious to see if you'll admit it.>>
First, I don't think parenting is "a job."
I consider it a blessing.
How we frame/define/undefine our moments have a powerful impact on the way we perceive the world.
I drove my son to his first day of school this morning - 1st grade. What excitement! I took a video camera and a camera. He was so proud. On the way back home he was so excited to read part of a book back to me which was part of his homework.
I cheered him on with every line. It was the same feeling of risk, expectancy and excitement of GO which one feels when they ride a bike, hit a ball, etc.
I believe the biggest thing we can teach is LOVE. To allow our children to experience and feel the timelessness of present moment - ie. the joy and love of it - through acts of risk and exploration.
And for something to be timeless there needs to be responsibility for one's actions. If they fall off a bike they are supposed to own the outcome - NOT cry, point the finger at their brother or friend and sit. I believe all true/real learning comes from these timeless acts of taking responsibility.
Too often, parents, teachers and significant others want to outline rules, definitions and guidelines. Why? Usually the answer is something along the lines of "if you follow this you will avoid these problems and pitfalls, etc."
Telling a child NOT to take risks because of something YOU or someone else judges is like telling a child not to live. For taking risks is what real living and being is all about. The problem is that people misunderstand risk. They think it's all reckless. No so. What it simply boils down to is a "letting go" - ie. an acceptance of oneself as good/great despite whatever the outcome. Whenever we place our value outside of ourselves we are essentially devaluing ourselves. I believe this process of devaluation starts when we fail to let go, take risks and simply be ourselves.
Peace.
GO!! |
