European Union
Here it is, the latest news from our International Development
correspondent.
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement
has been reached. Agreement to adopt English as the preferred
language for European communications, rather than German which was
the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five year phased plan for what will be known as the EuroEnglish (Euro
for short).
In the first year "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the
hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptense of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disrasful,
and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan
be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud ofkors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
Harold |
