re: short-term timing service:
Thank you for helping the advertise my new service. Currently, I offer to predict the following day's closing price on Qualcomm. As soon as we can hire enough monkeys, we'll be expanding service to the entire Nasdaq 100.
Details of the offer: At 3 a.m. every morning, I wake the monkeys up, feed them a breakfast of Twinkies and vodka, then put them in a dark room, and sit them on a barstool. On the walls of the room are pieces of paper, marked UP2, DOWN3, etc. We hand the monkey a dart, spin the barstool around, and leave the room quickly. A video-camera records which piece of paper the dart hits. This data will be emailed to you before the market opens.
Cost of the service is 5000$/month. We guarantee the accuracy of our results, to within two standard deviations of the mean.
Accuracy: So far, our predictions have, on average, been accurate to within 0.527$.
The fine print: The above statistic is derived from a sample size of 1. The standard deviation is 21.928$.
As we rapidly build-out our service, we need venture capital. If you'd like to get in on the ground floor, email me (attn: Mr. Market) at:
JS@manicdepressivewithnolongtermmemory.com |
