REUTERS (Sunnyvale, CA) - In a stunning admission, Rambus, the intellectual property company recently revealed that the number of its lawyers recently outnumbered the number of its actual employees by a ratio of 10 to 1. Investors rallied behind Rambus' stock sending it skyrocketing on word of this revelation. Speaking on grounds of anonymity, we tele-conferenced with a well known street analyst who stated "This is the best news we've heard since Rambus' inception. We expect revenue to surge 5,000 per cent over the course of the next couple of years. The more lawyers they seem to hire, the more revenue they get. In fact, I can't remember a non-lawyer employee of Rambus ever making the company money...". When asked about Rambus' upcoming technologies and how they would affect Rambus' stock prices, the street analyst said "What technologies? Oh. Umm, I do believe that Rambus intends to announce its new patented memory technologies after the JEDEC conference. Traditionally, Rambus has always announced new technology right after the JEDEC conference; it's unbelievable how they're able to stay ahead of all those other memory companies. It's mind boggling!" The source adamantly denied rumors that Rambus' technologies were the very same technologies developed by leading memory manufacturers at previous JEDEC conferences stating, "That is absurd!". Our interview was cut-off shortly thereafter, due to a lockup of the street analyst's Dell workstation equipped with Rambus. Calling over the phone, the analyst attributed the lockup to the CPU not being able to keep up wtih Rambus tremendous 800MHz performance.
Disclaimer - This is a joke. :) |
