Re: 10/2/00 - Psycho, flower lady appointed to top NHPD posts
Published Monday, October 2, 2000
Psycho, flower lady appointed to top NHPD posts
BY JUDY MONGILLO
YDN Foil
Newly-annointed with a doctorate in agricultural panhandling, Annette "The Flower Lady" Walton is ready to head up New Haven's elite police squad.
The following article is from the Board of 2001's joke issue.
In a move that solidified his reputation as one of the country's great police chiefs, Melvin Wearing took drastic action yesterday to stabilize his crooked department and reduce New Haven's homeless population.
At a hastily convened press conference in front of Urban Outfitters, Wearing appointed former International Studies DUS Steven Schwartzberg and "flower lady" Annette Walton to fill the posts vacated by disgraced detectives Capt. Brian Sullivan and Sgt. Edward Kendall.
Schwartzberg will be head of detectives; Walton his second-in-command.
Wearing, reading from a rambling statement prepared by Schwartzberg, said Schwartzberg epitomized the cunning and foresight that the NHPD demands of its detectives.
"Steven Schwartzberg is a modern-day Sherlock Holmes," Wearing lied. "His deductive reasoning is second to none."
Schwartzberg, wearing a dark, hooded sweatshirt, said his foremost concern as head detective would be solving the Dec. 4, 1998 murder of Suzanne Jovin '99. He added that he already has several leads.
"Suzanne's murderer obviously had tenacious affinities for killing and Cold War history," Schwartzberg said in a high-pitched voice.
Schwartzberg, homeless since Yale declined to renew his contract last year, has been living out of a hotel. Walton, who has been homeless for years and jobless since the Yale Police shut down her flower-peddling business, said she will move in with Schwartzberg for the time being so they can discuss strategy. Walton said her career as flower saleswoman prepared her for a life of fighting crime.
"If you think I panhandled in an aggressive fashion, wait until you see me investigate," Walton said. "Back then, it was 'Would you like to buy a flower, girlfriend?' Now it's gonna be 'Would you like to tell me where you were on the night in question, motherfucka?'"
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