The superficial answer is yes. But there were problems deep at the core of our relationship throughout the 10 years of marriage and 4 years preceding that were both part of the cause for the PPD as well as part of the cause for the eventual marriage collapse. During this incredible episode, though, as I remember it, I saw my ex as suffering from a sudden and devilish malady which I truly hoped she could overcome. I had no anger towards her, the rational person, that I knew was within. She was recognisibly sick. After she started recovering her own guilt and mortification were immense. It took her at least a year to deal with this, not sure she ever really resolved it. Two years later we separated, followed by divorce, her desire.
We had a fairly inbalanced marriage. I was too immature to realize this at the time. Fortunately the odds are pretty remote, about 1 to 5 in a 1000 mothers ever go to this depth. She has an extremely repressive personality. This is a key part of the problem. She had an inner scoreboard that only she knew about, and kept immaculate track of all transgressions. Hours and hours of counselling only slightly exposed the issues and problems. Some of her repressed anger went back to childhood issues with her folks and lifestyle.
Long after it was finally over and done with I started to realize how lucky I was to truly be out of that situation. I still have a part time daughter, and my sanity. During the PPD period I maintained a diary, as the daily episodes became more bizarre, it seemed incredible that I would ever see a "normal" day again. For three months I barely slept and did all the nighttime mothering, while trying to deal with work and take care of her. It was a handful, a rather rude awakening for a guy who had approached fatherhood with reluctant ambivalence. Didn't think it should interfere with my lifestyle. Boy was I chastened. |
