republican beliefs
I. Immigrants - bad, different skin colours, funny languages, wierd way of dressing, real bad. Michael Dukakis was the son of immigrants. Nuff said.
II. Environment - who needs it? Reagan said trees cause pollution, you know.
III. guns - the more, the better. I went out and bought a 120 mm howitzer because that is what our founding fathers wanted me to do. Now I can join a militia!
IV. Arts Funding - Yeech, what a waste, that money could go to build more B-2 bombers. After all, Arnold Schwarzeneggar doesn't need NEA funding, so why should anyone?
V. prisons - we need more of these, lots more, to hold all those dangerous criminals and Liberals and to protect traditional family values.
VI. Criminal Rights - none at all. I think the cops should just be able to search you whenever they want. That way we will all be safer, just like our founding fathers wanted. Only some bleeding heart would be opposed to this! Also, more executions, lots more, at least 10 a day like in the sovereign republic of Texas.
VII. Gays - I used to be one, yeech! Can you believe that? Then I saw the 700 club & Pat Robertson cured me because I was a threat to traditional family values. The reverend Robertson is a true U.S. hero, just like our founding fathers.
VIII. Schools - public bad, private good. All children should get a good Godly education that included Bible readings. Liberals will whine about the separation of Church and state, but we all known that was made up, because all of the founding fathers were members of the Christian coalition.
IX. the economy - we conservatives want total private enterprise with no government involvement, unless this private enterprise goes against traditional family values. Then it should be regulated because that is what the founding fathers would have wanted.
X. the constitution - It is pretty nice, but is too Liberal, so it needs to be ammended to allow school prayer, disallow flag burning, get rid of all that porn on the Net, kick the gays out of the boy scouts, and other stuff. We can fix it up because Activists Liberal judges have somehow found "rights" in it. Can you believe that?
XI. Bill Clinton - he has had sex. We conservatives do not like sex. Because of this, Clinton ought to be impeached, even if this sends gas prices back over a dollar a gallon. |
