"Rappin Dr. J"
submitted by TheRealIrwinJacobs (this guy is a genius)
on the QRTS board 10/18/2000
They call me Docta J y'all and I'm gon ta bee
Da greatest CEO in all of historee
I been sittin here and lurking here for quite some time
And now da time has come for me to post my rhyme
All you posters on da Rocket board who give me smack
Well listen up you suckas cause I'm answerin back
And if you do not like what I'm about ta say
Well dats just too fricken bad cause I'm da real Docta J
Oh I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers
so won't da real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Well I used ta be dis engineer from MIT
When dey tole me California was da place I oughta be
So I rounded up my Joan, Gary, Paulie and Jeff
And I stuck em on a truck an we all headed west
Then I hooked up with Masta Rappa Andy V
And we invented a heapin pile of technologee
We made this little company call Linkabit
And it made me lots of money so I called it quits
Oh I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers
so won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
So I'm sitting at a bar and chillin wit my homeys
Retired life, well its relaxin but its lonely
So we start to talk about these old movie stars
Like dis one hot b*tch name Hedy Lamarr
Who not only was a complete and total fox
but she had dis invention dat will knock off your socks
Used for phreakin out da Nazis during world war two
And MC Aunt Toni-O nearly spills his brew
When I tell him we can use the same basic ideer
For wireless communications oy vays meer
Oh I'm Irwin Jacobs The Real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just Total Fakers
So won't da real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
So on a lark we start a company called Qualcomm
And we tell da world dat CDMA is da bomb
And the braniacs and maniacs all scratch their heads and vent
Saying "dis sit is wack, too hard to implement
Besides, TDMA sure is good enough
And that MC Craig McCaw says your line is total fluff
And the rest of the world, well they got GSM
And your accent is too funny to be convincing them
that I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Well sure enough we tested it and sure enough it works
And all dose analysts dey start ta feel like jerks
Some of em admitted that they were totally wrong
And some of em are still singin their tired ole song
But DJ Jazzy Guilder and later MC Herschel S
Lead the house in rockin out the lyrics CDMA
Yes And Bell Atlantic, Primeco Sprint and GTE
Well they start to make a liar of AT&T
Cause I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just Total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
So we write up all these licenses so the world can go develop
CDMA phones, chips and switches, but the plan started to smell up
When nobody figured out how to actually do it
So we had to show em really that there was nothin to it
And we started making infrastructure then we made some chips
And we partnered up with SONY to build the phone on your hip
And not much time had passed before my great ideer
Was used for conversations in Hong Kong and South Koreer
they all said I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Well we signed up Moteroller and then we signed Nokier
And our market share was the envy of the year
But we had a problem. We werent making money.
And for some strange reason the street didnt find that funny
But me, Docta J became da master of da mike
And I came up with a plan we knew the street would really like
Well you can talk about dose other sucka CEOs with derision
Cause I'm da master planner, the CEO with vision sayin
I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
First I got those Swedish nuisances to shut their traps
Then I sold them off our infrastructure knowin it was crap
All dose whiny employees started causin me pain
Just because I kept their options they loudly complained
They had da balls ta sue me, make me feel like a louse
But don't dey know dat I'm da master rapper of da house?
So sue me all you like ya little pieces of mange
Cause I'll just buy off your lawyers with some pocket change
cause I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Then my little boy Paulie told me "Pop, we're screwed"
And I said "Whassamatta Paulie boy you hi tech dude?"
"Well we got dese awesome phones that are really thin
we even made one with a Palm Pilot built in
But although I got three Porcshes, I'm not livin large in
that these phones we're making just don't have no profit margin"
I said "well fear not sonny boy, I've just made a decision,
you come work for me, and we'll sell off your division"
So Paulie came and I sold off all those employees
To Kyocerer, cheapest of tha Japanese, all singin
I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Well I spin em off expensive and I spin em off cheap
My homey Harvey W, he spun off Leap
ANd we were cashin it in, sellin our ASICs by the truck
Till one day I turned to Joanie and said "Holy f*ck
These investors just keep askin me about Koreer and Chiner
Especially that creep on MSNBC, that whiner
I gotta do somethin to confuse em quick
So let's spin off our cash cow, lickety split"
Oh I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
So I spun off ASICs, and then I was gettin bored
So I started surfin on this little Rocket board
And I started seein all these muley little pests
Who were askin all these questions and subjectin me to tests
They expected logic for all my master decisions!
What? Do they have no faith? Do they have no vision?
Well of course you know there was only one thing ta do
I called out my team of lawyers and I told em to SUE
Cause I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
So listen up you measly little posting clan
I'm talking to you, pfinz, and you nemonoman,
And you too buffie and all youse othas too
No more talkin smack about you know who
When dis Chiner deal is done my portfolio will soar
And i can squish your shysta lawyas like da bugs on my cah
I'm da number one CEO in da USA
My friends call me Irwie, but you can call me Docta J
cause I'm Irwin Jacobs the real Irwin Jacobs
All other Irwin Jacobs are just total fakers so
Won't the real Irwin Jacobs
please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Lyrics written by TheRealIrwinJacobs
Song arranged by TheRealIrwinJacobs
Produced by TheRealIrwinJacobs
(C) 2000 TheRealIrwinJacobs
All rights reserved
"If'n yus wanna use dis tasty lik, yus gots to call my homey MC Law Johnnie C, for per mishin 2 re print. Got it sucka? Peace
out."
From Rocket..... |
