The real question here is whether republicans, ANY republican, qualifies as a human being.
My position is that republicans do NOT qualify as human beings. Instead, republicans should be classified as slightly above the orangutan, but below the chimpanzee, in the evolutionary scale.
Thus, republicans have the rudimentary intelligence to separate food objects from non-food objects, to distinguish between threatening objects and non-threatening objects, and the ability to construct nests in the trees out of palm fronds and various other objects.
However, what separates the repubican from the chimpanzee is the republican's inability to understand the simplist of abstract thought. For example, a chimpanzee can be trained to understand that the symbol "S" stands for banana, and that if it requests "S" it will receive a banana.
The republican lacks this intellectual capacity. Thus, the republican is a defective life-form, doomed to existence, damned to wander the planet wondering what the hell "S" means.
It is a foregone conclusion that the republican is an endangered species. The question is whether this particular species is worthy of saving.
I submit that it is NOT worthy of saving, and that all and every step should be taken to HASTEN the demise of the republican. As evidence I offer:
(1) Bob Dole === ran for president 12 times, lost in every race. Now reduced to advertising sexual aids on public television.
(2) Newt Gingrich === cock of the roost for six months, now serving time on a chain gang in the furthermost reaches of Siberia, courtesy of republican leadership.
(3) Bob Livingston === forced to confess on public television that he had sexual relationships with a goat.
(4) George W. Bush === reports indicate that Dubya is known as "Little Jorge" among Colombian cocaine kingpins, and has singlehandedly driven said kingpins into the "Fortune 500" list. |
