cosmic relief corner:
Dead Babies and Crazy Mommies
Dead babies
Q: What is worse than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
A: Having to rip it off.
Q: What is worse than finding seven dead babies in a trash can?
A: Finding one dead baby in SEVEN trash cans!
Q: What is worse than a pile of dead babies?
A: A live one in the middle. Eating its way out.
Q: And what is worse than that?
A: When it gets out, it eats its way back in again.
Q: What is the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
A: You can unload one of them with a pitchfork.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
Q: What is white and red and pink and sits in a corner?
A: A baby chewing razor blades.
Q: And what is white and red and pink and green and sits in a corner?
A: The same baby, two weeks later.
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And, fer mommies:
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Mommy, Mommy
Q: Mommy, mommy, how do you make hamburger?
A: Shut up and put your hand in the meat grinder.
Q: Mommy, mommy, I don't want to go to Europe!
A: Shut up and keep swimming.
Q: Mommy, mommy, what's a werewolf?
A: Shut up and comb your face.
Q: Mommy, mommy, I don't want to go to China!
A: Shut up and keep digging.
Q: Mommy, mommy, can I play with grandpa?
A: No, that would be the fourth time you dug him up already.
Q: Mommy, mommy, Baby is eating the raisins off the sticky brown paper. |
