My "DNAP" spoof....
OT: UNDECIDED VOTERS FLOCK TO DNAP
Sarasota, Florida.
With just six days left in the race for President of the United States, millions of undecided voters have turned to a small biotech company in South Florida for assistance.
DNAPrint Genomics (DNAP) is a small company on the cutting edge of personalized medicine.
According to one unidentified investor, "DNAP scientists and mathematicians are working on a platform that will allow doctors to tell how a patient will respond to certain medications." The investor speculated that, in time, the company would also be able to identify, through DNA analysis, whether a person was fit to be President of the United States.
While nobody at DNAP would respond to this allegation because they were busy doing more important research, voters, still undecided about next Tuesday's vote decision, have begun to descend upon the tiny company for answers.
"We can't wait until DNAP's December open house for answers," one undecided voter complained. "We need an answer by next Tuesday."
"I'm willing to submit my DNA", vice-president Al Gore, replied when asked about DNAP during a Florida swing in his campaign. "I've got nothing to hide."
Texas governor George W. Bush refused to commit to the testing saying the request was a ruse to add credibility to recent allegations about past cocaine use. "However, I think this administration has given off about as much DNA as this country can stand". He replied.
Ralph Nadar, making a campaign swing through Oregon in a Corvair, declined to comment.
The Sarasota chief of police has said that if the crowds outside DNAP headquarters do not disperse by Friday, the Florida National Guard will be called in to handle the situation.
THIS IS A SPOOF....do your own DD! |
