Ahhh, penni!! Forma Divina!! Your radiant charms and talents are omnipresent, and ever leave me breathless.
Regrettably, the veracity of your musicology is not one of them. This work has now been convincingly attributed to Ludwig's illegitimate older brother, Ernest (or, more commonly, "Ernie") Hossenpfeffer . The frustrated Ernie, ever glowering in his "legit" brother's titanic shadow, is well known to have been the love child of Beethoven's gadabout father and a rather attractive flower seller of whom he chanced to make acquaintance during the conduct of his business affairs in Mannheim.
Ernie apparently wrote this masterwork on the sly, pilfering a few of Ludwig's earlier discarded and incomplete works for the sake of authenticity, fraudulently copied Ludwig's penmanship and serruptitiously deposited said bogus manuscript in the magazine bin of Ludwig's water closet after his sad demise (it is of course well known that Ludwig was an avid bathroom reader, and in fact supposedly composed the entire "Kreuzer" sonata while on the throne during an especially severe bout of the piles). The manuscript remained sequestered in Ludwig's magazine bin until last December, when a PhD student decided to do his thesis on Ludwig's bathroom reading habits, whereupon the manuscript was discovered to much fanfare and hoopla. While the forgery is admittedly of excellent quality, the grace notes are very clearly not those of Ludwig.
Among Ludwig's rejected themes which make their appearance in this admittedly impressive work are the aforementioned "Loony Tunes" theme; the "Little Spanish Flea" theme; the "Lemon Tree Very Pretty" theme; and the immortal "Shave and a Haircut" tympani section, which Ludwig rejected in favor of the tympani theme used in the second movement of the Ninth Symphony.
Of perhaps greater moment is the recent finding that Ludwig's father actually apparently secretly married Ms. Hossenpfeffer in a clandestine Freemason ceremony. This leads inexorably to the conclusion that Ernie by rights must be re-christened as "Ernie von Beethoven," and, most regrettably, since this marriage invalidates his father's later marriage, Ludwig's true name must hereinafter be considered "Ludwig Schmalzkopf." I have my doubts that this will catch on.
Hope this will serve to correct your admittedly understandable musicological misconstructions. |
