Here is something to contemplate, as you look at your two belly buttons!
Do cows have two? They must if they have two stomachs!
A Few More Things I Wish I'd Known
1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "thank you,"
though for some reason it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.
2. No books will be as good as the ones you loved as a child.
3. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra,
some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are
there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
4. Never give yourself a haircut after three martinis.
5. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
6. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.
7. Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny...
8. A woman needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
9. If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person.
10. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I
apologize" and "You are right."
11. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
12. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat
crow while it's still warm.
13. Never marry a person you meet in a bar.
14. Never ride a motorcycle when you're drunk.
15. If he says that you are too good for him - believe it.
16. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, will this matter one
year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?
17. The shortest line always takes the longest.
18. Doing nothing is the most tiresome job in the world, because you
can't stop and rest.
19. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
20. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
21. If you move far from your family when you're young, consider
choosing a career with an airline. Your need to see your family will
last a lifetime, as will your travel benefits.
22. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a
bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right
about you.
23. Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are
going to need them to empty your bed urinal and hold your hand.
24. Work is good but it's not important.
25. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
26. And finally ... being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it
just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. |
