NADER'S MOM APOLOGIZES TO NATION
In a stunning press conference held on her front porch this morning, Ralph Nader's mother, Harriet, apologized for her son's candidacy. "My son has always been a bit of a joker," she said to press. "He thought it would really be funny to force the country to get into a close election, but it wasn't, now was it Ralphie?"
Nader, dressed in short pants, and held firmly by the ear, mumbled, "No mother, I guess it wasn't."
"And," added Mrs. Nader, "You're going to march right down to that nice Mr. Gore's house tomorrow and say what?"
Nader mumbled unintelligibly, and on his mother's prompting, spoke up in more forceful tones: "Sorry for stealing your votes, Mr. Gore."
Nader's actions have made his family the shame of this small community, starting early in the campaign cycle when his gang, The Greens, went on a rampage - denouncing Gore for being controlled by corporate interests and stealing apple pies left on windowsills for cooling.
Although Nader's campaign was judged by many to be irresponsible and reckless, his mother would often throw up her hands and declare him to be "full of beans," as young boys are wont to be, "and completely out of control."
Not any more, she vows.
"From now on, Ralph's going to be a perfect gentleman, aren't you Ralph?"
After Nader's mumbled assent, Mrs. Nader then led him back into the house to wash his hands of politics in preparation for a healthy supper. |
