I've uncovered evidence of a Gore conspiracy to steal the election by biasing the recounts in Florida. I'm not at liberty to say where the information comes from.
As you know, 25 or so counting teams in Palm Beach are doing the recount, each with Democrat and Republican observers. Re-counting ballots is numbing, repetitive work. People have been known to pass out after doing it for a couple of hours.
To break the monotony and keep the counters awake, county authorities have positioned television sets around the room affixed by metal swing-arms to the ceiling, each tuned to CNBC.
My source tells me that over the weekend, phone calls went out from Gore HQ to various Wall Street analysts, ordering them to downgrade a broad array of stocks this morning, thereby depressing the market considerably. This translates into an opportunity to "enhance" Gore's recount totals.
The logic is as follows: Republicans are more likely to be wealthy than Democrats, more likely to own stock, and thus more likely to be concerned with the red numbers on the CNBC ticker. Most of the Democrats are working class people who don't even know what stock is, and who think CNBC is just another infomercial for Thighmaster. But of course in any case the Democrats are in on the plan.
Whenever CNBC cuts to the Nasdaq reporter who is explaining the downgrades and pointing out large drops in tech stocks due to the downgrades, the Republicans become distracted. Their eyes leave the ballots and are momentarily glued to the tube. The Democrat observers at this point are able to quickly knock a "Gore" chad out of the current ballot and eat it, thus destroying the evidence. If the ballot was previously for Bush, it becomes a double-punched ballot and is thrown out.
It's a devilishly clever scheme.
I don't know exactly what to do with this information, I'm very concerned that it could affect the future of our country. I'm trying to decide whether to send it in an email to the editor of "Soldier of Fortune", or to write a book about it to be released well after the election.
Any advice would be appreciated.
--QS |
