Florida Voter's FAQ
1. I live in Palm Beach County, but don't know how to vote. Can you help me?
No problem, just show up and punch something if you can. If you can't punch anything, that's fine too. We know who you want to vote for (wink, wink), and will determine your intent afterwards.
2. I live in the Panhandle, but don't know how to vote. Can you help me?
Nope. Read the instructions, fool. Punch the hole all the way through. If you don't, we'll recount it ONCE, because the damn law says we have to.
3. I'm in the military on a ship and sometimes I can't get my absentee ballot postmarked. Can I vote?
Listen you little MAGGOT! Drop down and gimme five! I'm gonna be looking for your SISSY ballot when it comes in and I'm gonna personally shove it up your .... And don't ask again! Now go clean something!
4. I'm a convicted felon. Can I vote?
No problemo! Just try to be out of jail on election day, cause it's hard for us to get the machine inside the jail.
5. I'm a Republican and think your methods are biased.
You must be some kind of political hack. We are only trying to do a full, fair, and accurate accounting of votes.
6. I'm a janitor. What should I do with all these chads on the floor?
Just put them in the Gore box. |
