Is It Time To Recruit Guest Presidents?
With recount expected to take four years, Congress mulls the idea of
summoning celebrities to serve
By Andy Borowitz NEWSWEEK WEB EXCLUSIVE
Nov. 22 — With legal challenges from both the Bush and Gore camps
threatening to prolong the Florida recount until at least 2004,
Congressional leaders are proposing that the White House be filled with
celebrity ‘guest-presidents’ until then, sources say.
DRAWN FROM THE RANKS OF HIGH-PROFILE SINGERS, actors, and sports figures,
the guest presidents would each serve as leader of the Free World for a
one-week term. They would be empowered to veto legislation, pardon felons
and name Supreme Court Justices. Sources familiar with the proposal say that
a guest president would not be permitted to declare war, but would be
allowed to order bombing strikes on Sadaam Hussein.
Additionally, a guest president would not be expected to do anything about
Social Security, crime or homelessness-”just like a real President,” one
source says. While Congressional insiders deny the existence of a short list
of celebrities who might be tapped to serve as guest president, the
Washington rumor mill placed actor Andy Richter, former sidekick on NBC’s
“Late Night with Conan O’Brien” at the top of the list, followed by country
singer Faith Hill and Tampa Bay Buccaneers wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson.
Moments after news of the guest-president proposal was leaked, the two
candidates currently embroiled in the Florida recount offered their
reactions. Vice President Al Gore, speaking in front of a backdrop of
American flags, a steaming apple pie, and a live bald eagle, told reporters
that “This excellent proposal will help facilitate the most thorough,
accurate recount possible, which could take up to ten or fifteen years to
complete if you include bathroom breaks.” Texas Gov. George W. Bush had no
official comment, but a spokesman for the Governor said that Mr. Bush was
“resting at the Governor’s mansion in Austin, waiting for his skin to clear
up.” |
