<font color=red>BRIEF TO THE U.S. SUPREME COURT BY DAVID BOISE
*********
Oh, this is so way bitchin' cool! (Spicolli vs. Dick) Hi there, Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States. I'm Dave. (Dave vs. Opposition, Anyone, Bring It On Chump, I'll Kick Your Ass) Check out my Winning Smile! [big smile] (Crest vs. Decay) I love all of you, and I would put you all on my Christmas list for one of those rum cakes from Amazon dot com if it didn't look like I was trying to have some underhanded influence on you. [big smile] (Rather, Jennings, et al. vs. Robot Idiots From Planet Earth) I just want you to know that I'm really smart and I know how you should resolve this problem and I'm here to show you how to make this all go right so you can get out of here and go home and have an excellent Christmas dinner with your families. [big smile] (Claus vs. Beetlejuice) Think of me as a really good whore that is a member of MENSA. (Lovelace vs. Einstein) You guys have AWESOME POWER! [big smile] (Power Rangers vs. Whomever)
Anyway, I know you people are busy, and since you were all appointed by Republican presidents (Reagan vs. Dolts) you are less than fully sympathetic with my client's position on this matter, and I understand that. [big smile] (Reagan vs. Rodan, Mothra, Gidra, et al.) I'll say anything for anyone as long as they pay me. (Popiel Pocket Fisherman vs. Brain Dead) Therefore our brief shall be as brief a brief as a brief can be, even though I'm cutting my own throat by making this short. (Simpson vs. Ginsu, Reality, DNA, et al.) As brief a brief as a brief can be! That's a joke. [big smile] (Lollypop Guild vs. Wicked Witch) OK, sorry, let's move on. I made enough on the Microsoft trial to pay for all the stuff I wanted, so this is just chump change for me. (Gates vs. Reno) This is really cool. I get to argue in the Supreme Court. Coolness! I can bump my rate now! [big smile] (Boise vs. Mastercard, VISA, et al.)
Hey, Clarence, wassup? [big smile] (Boise vs. Thomas, et al.)
OK. Dudes, a great revolution is like taking place in our great country. (Daffy vs. Bugs) On the one side, you have the Evil Forces of Conservatism who are trying to steal this election in any way possible. (Harris, et al. vs. Gore, Daley,. Olive Oil Imports, et al.) This includes such nefarious activities as following the current laws which are obviously designed to thwart the Will of the People, (Al vs. Reality) refusing to consider a chad that has not actually been punched out by some handicapped person who meant to vote but didn't quite get the rules right in one county of one state of our Great Union (Chad, Chad, and Chad et al. vs. Gravity) while at the same time suing our Patriotic Forces of Good to try and defend some monkey that was stupid enough to join the Army and leave the United States. [big smile] (Gore vs. Schwartzkopf, Powell, Patton, Eisenhower, Sherman, Willie, Everybody that Ever Served and Got Killed Defending Their Country, Everyone Who Never Got a Ballot Because Slick Never Mailed Them, et al.) We say if they leave the country, their traitorous ballots for The Spawn of Satan from Texas don't count (Pinhead vs. Jefferson, Madison, et al.). One small part of Florida actually means Full And Accurate Count! (Carbon Disulphide vs. Truth) On the other hand (Mr. Clean vs. Ground In Dirt) we have Yours Truly, Dave! (Boise vs. Mirror, Mirror On The Wall) [big smile]
Now, I know what you're thinking. (Tarot, Ouiji Board, Hulkster, Goldberg, et al. vs. Actual Reality) Oh, yes I do! [big smile] (Serling vs. Television Viewers) That's what makes me so smart. I can tell by the way you hold your pens and the way you are sitting that you love my client, Al Gore. (Rosenberg vs. Lee) Al is way cool. He is high! (Gore vs. Buds) So is his wife! (Tipper, Pfizer, et al. vs. Sanity) I mean that in the best possible way! [big smile] They are like way loaded! [big smile] You Supreme Court Justices are just like all those disenfranchised voters in south Florida that wanted to vote for Al Gore and didn't quite actually vote for him. Is that their fault? [big smile] They WANTED to vote for Al! They NEEDED to vote for Al. They just messed up a little on the actual ballot!
You use words like honor, integrity, and rule of law. (U.S. vs. England, Good vs. Evil, Jerry vs. Tom) You sit up there on your chairs and pass judgment on me and Al and everyone who wanted to vote for him. (Gore vs. Everyone I Thought Was On My Side But Now See Has Turned To The Dark Side So Sue The Bastards et al.) You don't thank me for watching over you by providing this service, and then you question the very means by which I want to provide it! (Constitution of the United States vs. Deluxe Dildohead) You let me go out and defend the rights of citizens who can't get their shit together enough to push a nail through a piece of paper. Pardon my French (LePew vs. LePew). We want to defend their right to vote for Al Gore, and you question the means by which we wish to provide that right! (Cruise vs. Nicholson) You make me sick. [big smile] (Pepto-Bismol vs. Acid Stomach) Just kidding. [big smile] (Bozo vs. Audience, Hand Waving vs. Factual Reality, et al.)
Hey, Clarence, wassup? [big smile] (Al Gore vs. Constitution, Loser vs. Real World, Vanilla Ice vs. Snoop Doggie Dog)
I know what the American People want! (8 Ball vs. Logic) I need to drag this out for a while, if that's OK. (Hallucination vs. Time Constraints, Billing Hours vs. Big Pockets) We all know that Al has been groomed for this position since he was a small boy. (Fate vs. Destiny, Shampoo, Conditioner, et al.) and we all know who is behind this plan to thwart our goals (Ellison, Chambers, Gates, et al. vs. Guthrie, Dylan, Baez, et al.)
Let's get back to my point, here, if you don't mind. (Zippy, Larry, Moe, Curly, et. al vs. USS Cole, et al.). You dudes are Big Dudes. Way Big Dudes. [big smile] You have AWESOME POWER! [WWF vs. WCW) You have Gigantic Weenies! (Jesus vs. Flynt) We say you need to ignore this nonsense about rules, laws, and the very fabric of American Justice (Cops vs. Dudes With No Shirts On) and just GET THIS OVER WITH! [big smile] Change the law! Make it RETROACTIVE! DO WHAT IS RIGHT! AL IS RIGHT! YOU KNOW AL IS RIGHT! YOU'RE ALL CRAZY IF YOU CAN'T SEE THE TRUTH! AH AHA HAAHHAHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHA AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you very much. [big gigantic smile]
David Boise
Most Intelligent Person On The Planet Except For You Clarence, Wassup! [big smile]
for
Al Gore, [Loser Who Can't Give Up Because He Must Be Right And If You Cross Me I will Sue Your Ass So Watch Out vs. The American People] |
