OK guys, we won't have to worry about electing new president.
<Sorry if this was posted before...>
*****************
Just got this from a personal contact at Buckingham
Palace... Should be officially out anytime now...
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of
the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and
other territories. Except Utah, which I do not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware
that there is a world outside your borders) will
appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next
year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown
Dependency, the following rules are introduced with
immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check
the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just
how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally,
you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven
words interspersed with filler noises such as "like"
and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will
let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national
anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully
carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football".
There is only one kind of football. What you refer to
as American "football" is not a very good game. The
2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world
outside your borders may have noticed that no one else
plays "American" football. You will no longer be
allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played
with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you
brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does
not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We
are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France,
using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The
98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world
outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.
November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only
in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been
driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Her Majesty the Queen |
