> BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
> Bush to be smited later today
>
> In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under
> God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule this week's Supreme Court
> decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I'm not sure where the
> Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare "Today" show
> appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lay back and let Bush get away
> with this bullshit."
>
> "I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in
> Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted
> for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."
>
> Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules
> the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving
> him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for
> possible grounds for appeal.
>
> "God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim
> Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is
> unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of
> Florida."
>
> "Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of
> him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
>
> God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained
> that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the
> White House to "a friggin' idiot." "Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach
> County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't
> believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur,
> James; Barnhardt, Ron..."
>
> Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's
> prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an
> act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of
> Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold
> his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard
> labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
>
> Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy. |
