Heading into the golden years without children does have its regrets.
Well, the older they get, the less of them you have. Last night, Ammo was at his murder mystery play practice and CW and Stacy were off with friends. Dan and I had a baking night. We played all our Christmas music-- I add a CD every year, so each CD is bound up with certain memories-- and made the same things we always make- little peppermint cakes, cookies, that chex mix stuff made with peanut butter and chocolate and confectioner's sugar. At midnight Dan called me to come outside. It was a beautiful night- very clear and cold. The stars were brighter than usual, even with the houses all lit up. We walked out to the street and turned around to look at our house. It's a perfect Christmas house, I guess because it's Victorian in style. There are swags of greenery hung along the front porch with white lights and red velvet ribbons and there's a wreath with a red bow and a white candle in every window. ANd the runaway tree in the little round porch part(there MUST be a name for that architectural thing) was back home, slightly the worse for wear, but in the dark with his pretty white lights, who could tell.
We held hands and looked at the house silently. SO many things have a finality to them nowadays, it seems. Today is CW's birthday- he's 20! Next month Ammo turns 18.
Sometimes I think of my in-laws whose lives are lit up by only intermittent visits to their children and I wonder where our children will be as we get older. It's not like it used to be-- with family all in the same town, and parents living next door. Now it's a one year plane trip for a few stressful days.
Well, aren't I cheery?
I don't want to get old and talk about what I ate for dinner and how my arthritis is acting up. |
