...if you plan to do something aberrant please call the park service...
I can see it now:
ZM: Hello, this is ZinMaster. I'm going to a party at the San Gregorio State Beach, and I'm wondering...is it OK to bring a giant cauldron of fermenting Durian?
PS: A what?
ZM: A giant cauldron of fermenting Durian. You know the spiky fruit from the south pacific?
PS: Look, buddy, we're just down the road from San Francisco. We got fruits with spikes down here every day of the summer.
ZM: No...I mean the kind of fruit that grows on trees....
PS: yeah, well what's this about the "fermenting cauldron"? We don't allow pagan rituals on the beach...at least not with human sacrifices. That's on the first page of our rulebook.
ZM: Uhhh, OK, I'll tell The Coven to do it outside the park boundaries.....Does it say anything about Durian?
PS: ...not that I know of, but I'll check the index....
ZM: Well, I was just wondering because it is outlawed in Singapore, and finer hotels in southeast asia.
PS: You say it's outlawed in southeast asia? Never heard of that before....why'd they outlaw it?
ZM: Well, I guess it's really tasty, and has certain excitatory properties that makes men and women alike strip down to their thongs and gather in a lubricated pile of writhing flesh.
PS: Except in Singapore...
ZM: yeah. They don't like the smell there.
PS: The smell of all those writhing bodies?
ZM: No, the Durian.
PS: What does it smell like?
ZM: it's kinda hard to describe....
PS: ...but it smells bad?
ZM: you could say that.
PS: Sorry, we gotta rule against offensive smells.
PS: When did you say this party is going to be?
ZM: ...uh...I'll have to check....
PS: You know you'll need a Special Use Permit for this party anyway, right?
ZM: ...uh...I think I hear my Mom calling me....I gotta go...
I'm a firm believer in the forgiveness/permission dichotomy. I'll plan to be there, but there's no way I'm calling the Park Service to ask if it's OK to bring a cauldron of fermenting Durian.
-zm |
