My mother just sent me this send-up of Bush's rough draft of his inaugural address:
Subject:
ROUGH DRAFT OF BUSH'S INAUGURAL
ADDRESS
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My
Fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over
this magnificent viagra, I think
we can agree that the past is over.
Our country is ready for a fresh,
bipolar approach. I want to bring
America together. We are the hill
shining on a city, and each of us can
get to the top if we set our feet
to it.
Americans
have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they
need
ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics
doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie
higher. A
high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their
family on the
table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the
B-side of my
record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing
"Streets of
Laredo".
(Music
break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his
family and his
baseball team's families, but of all American families.
I don't believe
a president should be choosing who are the right
Americans and who are
the wrong Americans. All of us are together,
white or wrong, black or
right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is
as broad as we are. And
it will give our expansion a timely second dose
of wind.
(Zantac commercial)
I say there's
a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but
it's probably
around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to
offer to
everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our
nation. I
would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara
Bush, who
taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a
lawnmower.
We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work
to those
they love, and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and
Dad.
(Applause; tears)
We know that
America is the best in the world. We are the great
super-premium; we
cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of
madmen and
mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We
need a
sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: I do
not
believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do
believe
in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must
never
run our lives.
(Exxon commercial)
The
purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches
every
killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and
feet,
not miles or kilograms: Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by
common
sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I
was one
myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and
more. More
or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts
to our
preservative minds.
I know you would rather be watching TV,
and so would I, so I will draw
to a confusion. My message is: I will
get things done. I will inspire
and untie. I will appeal to people's
better angles. I will prove that
politics can be bigger than you ever
thought possible. We will trust the
people we serve, and serve the
people we trust. Together, we can do what
needs to be done to preserve
this great bastard of freedom.
Thank you, and God help
America. |
