It's an honor that you've given us a chance to serve you Mr. and Mrs. Clinton.
I understand you want to move up here to New York and buy the old Rye Brookplace.
That's $2.2 million, and with the customary 20 percent
down--that's 440,000 leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000!
Now let's have a look at your financial statements.
Let's see, Mr. Clinton, you are the president of the United States,of course, and your salary is $200,000 a
year. We usually recommend buying a house that costs no more than two and a half times your
annual salary. That normally means you should be looking
for some-thing at around $500,000, perhaps a nice brick ranch?
And I see here that you'll be out of a job shortly.. What will you do then?
Oh, you plan to open a library in Little Rock, Arkansas. Wow, I bet that will be some kind of moneymaker.
Now, Mrs. Clinton, you ran for the Senate and won, right? Senators are paid $130,000 a year -- so even with
your husband's pension you're still looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe a nice center
hall colonial would be more appropriate.
Mrs. Clinton, you haven't worked outside the house since
1991, but you did some volunteer work. You tried to overhaul the entire national health care system?
I see, but no one was interested? But have you other experience?
Yes, I see you had several business ventures back in
Arkansas.
How about this Whitewater Development Corp? It went
bankrupt? And Madison Guaranty? It went bankrupt? And Castle
Grande? Bankrupt, too?
You actually did go to Yale, you claim.
A little bad luck with the law, too, I see. Three of your business partners went to jail? This is embarrassing,
I know, but we have to ask because it does, after all, affect your ability to pay.
Any problems in your marriage?
No? Fine.
Let's look at your assets. You owe $45 Million, Mr. Clinton?
How do you expect to pay that off? Oh, you're hoping people will donate to a special fund?
So, basically, you're relying on the kindness of strangers to get you out of debt?
I see you also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be setting you back $30,000 to
$35,000 a year, probably more, with the air fares.
Oh, and she wants to go to medical school?
Any legal problems?
Ah, I see a $90,000 fine for perjury. I guess that rules out putting your law degree to work. I hesitate
to mention this, but how do we know you are not lying on your loan application?
Of course, you're right -- it would look a lot better if you WERE lying.
Are there any other legal matters we should know about, Mrs. Clinton?
Ooh huh, you don't think there's anything to that
perjury or obstruction of justice rap.
But we're not totally sure, are we? That means there's a remote possibility -- note that I say "remote"--
that you could be trying to pay
off a $1.76 million mortgage while making
12 cents an hour stitching mailbags for the Feds, while Mr. Clinton is trying to make a go of a library in Little Rock.
Let's review your situation:
One of you is unemployed, and the other one soon will be.
Your business partners are in jail. You have debts equivalent to more than 22 times your annual income, debts that you're hoping someone else is going to come along and pay, and there's a looming criminal indictment. And your tangible assets seem to consist of little more than an old Ford.
Thanks for stopping by.
We'll give you a call. |
