Even Lewis' Lawyers Can't Help Ravens Win
Weekend Predictions
Jeff Schultz - Staff
Friday, January 12, 2001
Potentially Trent Dilfer vs. Kerry Collins in the Super
Bowl? This NFL/United Way alliance is getting way
out of hand.
Before pondering just how far the NFL has fallen, it
is worth noting that at least one professional sports
empire is in even worse condition.
Look, it was bad enough when Alabama --- state
motto: "We is pretty" --- and football czar Booboo
Bear Bryant were sneaking in football players on
swimming, skeet-shooting and TV-repair
scholarships.
But how do you pay $200,000 to a high school
coach to influence a kid to attend your fine university
when you know dang well you're only $270 and one
Ford Explorer, with Firestones, under the salary
cap?
Clearly, changes are needed at the U. of Alabama,
'cuz in the old days they could squeeze out at least
an undefeated record and 80 percent off
student-athlete (wink, wink) discounts at the Piggly
Wiggly and Fred's Fillin' Station.
Can't imagine why Butch Davis stayed in Coral Gables.
Which leads me to NFL playoffs. (Space is tight this week. No time for
transitions.)
It's the Giants against the Vikings in the NFC and the Raiders against the
Ravens in the AFC. If you check your Friday paper from back in September,
you'll notice that is just how the Weekend Predictions Investment Team
projected championship Sunday. (There is an outside chance you purchased
an early edition with several typographical errors. It's complicated journalism
stuff that I can't go into now. Trust me.)
The breakdowns:
Oakland Penitentiary vs. Ray Lewis
Is this kismet or what? Between the Raiders, Lewis and the general population
of Oakland, you half expect somebody in the locker room to say, "Come on!
Let's get up a game against the guards!"
I still can't figure out how Baltimore beat Tennessee last week. Seven first
downs and you win? If Trent Dilfer makes it to the Super Bowl, he'll make
David Woodley look like Otto Graham. In playoff wins over the Broncos and
Titanics, Dilfer completed 14 passes. Total. That's only 14 more than I
completed, and I was on the couch.
The Ravens have a great defense. You start with Ray Lewis' attorneys. (Yeah,
cheap joke. What's your point?) But few teams have slowed the Raiders this
season, and sources tell me the big connection this game is going to be Rich
Gannon to every single one of his receivers, including Andre "Bad House
Burning" Rison.
In other matchups, it's Art Modell vs. Al Davis. Doesn't that get you all warm
and fuzzy?
Please. Stop the insanity!
Raiders over Ravens. Pirates cover.
Men of Thor at Men of Swamp
The Giants haven't lost since coach Jim Fassel promised the world his team
would make the playoffs, even though said corpse was only slightly less dead
than the Falcons at the time.
Home field is huge this game. On the plastic grass in the Metrodoom, there's
no way the Vikings can be slowed down. But the Swampthings get them in the
Meadowlands, amid all the wonderful people of New Jersey ("Hey, Vinnie, I'll
give you $2 for some fries and your date!").
Will surroundings and grass make a difference? Yes --- in score, not result.
The Giants' defense is good, but it's one thing to hold down Philly and another
to stop Randy Moss, Cris Carter, Robert Smith, Daunte Culpepper and a
bunch of other guys I can't name because, well, who has the time to watch
football, anymore?
The Vikings are slightly better than the Eagles, in the same way Shakespeare
is slightly better than "Temptation Island." Men of Thor roar.
HOW I'M DOING . . .
Last Saturday: 2-0.
Last Sunday: I forgot.
Bird's-I-view: 53-44-1.
Good news: Blimp advertising XFL crashes in Oakland.
Bad news: Everyone OK. |
