Stupid Marketing Continues in 21st Century
By The Village Grouch
[January 4] Flip the calendar over to another year, another century, and another millennium, and some things still never change.
Just today I saw two examples of Internet marketing that demonstrate the significant lack of understanding of the medium as an effective conveyance for product promotion.
As someone who types all day, I have a nostalgic fondness for fine writing instruments, ones that I use when writing to the people that mean most to me. Feeding my materialistic lust, I typed www.montblanc.com into my browser address, and was greeted with a page that seemed in between loading and being entirely static.
Two Java windows then popped up. One window had no function and no text or graphics; however, if you closed it, the other window closed also. The second window displayed a "loading" message.
To me, this is a bad sign. Perhaps Montblanc has reached a level at which it can assume that its customers are happy to wait and receive its promotional messages. I think that's a mistake for any company, regardless of status. If I had that much time, I would go to one of the company's boutiques. At least there I could fondle the products.
Also today, the following message arrived in my e-mailbox, with the subject heading "Re:happy new year!":
"Hey, I got crazier than usual at the new years' party. I didn't however, get as crazy as Lisa, you'll never guess what she did. I think being drunk outside in the cold weather got me sick. I'll now have a lot of free time to mess around with my [name of company deleted] account.
"Jake wanted the web address, please give it to him: [name of company deleted] Call me at my cell: 935-6987,
NATALIE"
I'm deeply saddened that the spammer who sent this message thinks it would appeal to me. Boasts of drunkenness usually don't induce me to purchase products or services. I don't know anyone named Jake except that gender traitor that writes for Glamour.
These are excellent examples of the opposite of good electronic marketing. The writing instrument purveyor tries to use high-tech to promote a low-tech product. Nice concept, but poorly executed. Their site is like a clogged fountain pen that scratches invisibly across the paper until the blockage is cleared, and then leaves a huge black puddle in the middle of the parchment.
The spammer misuses the personalized power that marketing through electronic mail offers. They sent me their message without permission; their message is off-color and will alienate most readers, and they associate their product and brand with such talk. If the quality of their marketing is so poor, I can't imagine that their site will be any good.
Here's a much better pitch, also received today. It was similarly unsolicited, but the writer used the information he or she had about me and what I do, customized the pitch, and did it as unobtrusively as possible:
"Dear Sir
"I think your readers may be interested in the launch of [deleted], a new news site dedicated to bringing new kinds of news about [deleted] to the world. I have included our press release below.
"I was wondering if you would mind creating a link for us on your site and informing your members in any email newsletters you publish.
"Please don't hesitate to drop me a line anytime if you need any further information.
Thank you for your time!"
The author, the chief executive officer of the company, seems a bit too enthusiastic about how "new" her or his site is, but did a good job of bringing the site to my attention, introducing it, and then asking that I write something about it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but the point is, I'm considering it. Good marketing is a resume: it's intended to get you an interview, not a job.
The examples cited above not only failed to grab my interest, they left me with a negative impression of companies whose products or services I haven't used. The key concepts for marketing on the Internet should be simple, not superlative. Therefore, The Grouch offers his three "P"s for e-ffective promotional material: Permitted, Personal, and Prompt.
Permitted: Users who have requested more information are an easier sell. They're willing to listen to or read what the marketer has to say. Get over the trust barrier and gaining access to the wallet or purse is far easier.
Personal: This isn't a Super Bowl ad. The Internet, and e-mail specifically, is like an electronic Avon Lady, welcomed into the e-mailbox. Use carefully collected and scrupulously guarded personal information to tell the user what your product or service can do specifically for them.
Prompt: Hurry up, stupid. My time is valuable. If I give it to you, it's because you have something I might want. Convince me that I want it, take my money, and let me go.
Steven Schwankert, a.k.a. The Village Grouch, is managing editor of asia.internet.com
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