"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings
of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren,
hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, and other liberal bed
wetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV
or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire
them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone not just you! You
may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but
the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans
are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone
in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than
the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public
health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if
the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't
be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place
where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of
leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want
to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a
military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of
you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws
created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."
No, you don't have to forward this, and nothing tragic will befall you should you
not forward it. We just think it is about time. |
