Someone's just faked up one of the variants of the Administratium press release to make it into one for Governmentium.
http://venus.soci.niu.edu/~archives/TOMPAINE/mar99/0312.html
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major US university. The element, tentatively
named "ADMINISTRATIUM", appears to be very closely related to
BUREAUCRATIUM - a known deadly poison. "ADMINISTRATIUM" has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. Upon initial
inspection, however, it does have: - one neutron, - 125 assistant
neutrons, - 75 vice neutrons and - 111 assistant vice neutrons, which
together gives it an atomic mass of 312.
-- -- --
STRUCTURE
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called MORONS.
It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called PEONS.
-- -- --
PROPERTIES
Since it has no electrons, ADMINISTRATIUM is inert. However, it can
be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it
comes in contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
ADMINISTRATIUM causes one reaction to take over four days to complete
when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.
ADMINISTRATIUM has a normal half-life of approximately THREE YEARS,
during which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and
assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies indicate that
the atomic mass actually INCREASES after each reorganization.
-- -- --
OCCURRENCE
Research at other laboratories indicates that ADMINISTRATIUM occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain
points such as government agencies, large corporations, and
universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed,
and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that
ADMINISTRATIUM is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and
can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to
accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how ADMINISTRATIUM
can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage - - results to date
are not promising.
There are several different versions. I have no idea which is the original.
rahul.net
rahul.net
rahul.net
Just to prove that the net is still the wierdest thing going, I discovered that the Administratium post was responsible for starting very heated debate between some academics over on some other board. I doubt that they were physicists. It's over here, omega.cohums.ohio-state.edu:8080/hyper-lists/classics-l/98-11-01/subject.html
Here's an example of the type of inflamed response that this post induced (I am not making this up):
Pointless, vitriolic attacks against groups of people (as opposed to
attacks against specific actions of specific individuals) are hateful,
whether the people attacked are identified by their colour, their sex,
their sexual preference, their religion, or any other characteristic. Yes,
I've known some dull-witted administrators, but I've known some of
integrity too who have had to do very difficult tasks without much support
(someone here once compared administering professors to herding cats); I've
also known faculty members without a shred of integrity. This reminds me of
the worst excesses of the faculty union here, which has identified specific
administrators as "our enemies" (and hounded them and others in print in a
manner totally incompatible with standards of professionalism and simple
honesty) while actively defending faculty members who make their graduate
students paint their houses for them or require students to write letters
on behalf of Amnesty International as part of their course work (and no, it
wasn't a course in international relations; the professor headed the local
chapter and needed a cheap source of letters). Here, at least, departmental
administrators are faculty members who take on the thankless task; so these
attacks on administrators are also, in some contexts, attacks upon
professors, some of them classics professors.
What's next, Mr Tompkins and Mr Lehtinen? Know any good fag jokes?
JLB
James Lawrence Peter Butrica
Department of Classics
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland A1C 5S7
All I can say is man that's one slippery slope - from a joke making fun of administrative inefficiency to jokes promoting hatred of homosexuals.
Then I realised that this person who wrote that response was at Memorial University, and that made me feel much better. You see, my entire opinion of Memorial University is based on a story that I heard once. The story goes as follows:
A fellow walks into a bank in St. John's Newfoundland to cash a cheque. The teller asks him to endorse the cheque. So he signs the cheque by first making a big X, followed by two little X's - sort of like this: X x.x. The teller says "what an interesting signature sir. I know what the big X is for but what purpose do the two little 'x's serve? This fellow puffs up his chest and says: "Oh 'dems for me B.A. from Memorial University".
Regards,
John Sladek |
