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Copyright 2001 Guardian Newspapers Limited
The Guardian (London)
January 27, 2001
SECTION: Guardian Weekend Pages, Pg. 78
LENGTH: 408 words
HEADLINE: Weekend: Back: HOW TO LIVE WITH KEYS
BYLINE: Guy Browning
BODY:
When you were 18, you used to be given the keys to the house. Nowadays, this is the age when your
parents are most likely to change the locks while you're out.
In that drawer full of rubbish in your kitchen, you will usually find a selection of mystery, unlabelled
keys. If you really want to know what they unlock, throw them away and, in a matter of hours, you will
find out.
Carrying a bunch of keys has always been a bit of nightmare, unless you carry a handbag, or you're a
Beefeater, or both. That's why people with expensive suits like to holster up their keys in a little leather
pouchette. However, the best way of signalling to your partner that it's time to leave a dull party is to
jangle your keys in an imminent departure kind of way - and you can't jangle a little leather pouchette.
The greatest fear of people who live by themselves is that they will leave home without their keys. That's
why the first thing they do when they've closed the door behind them is to check for their keys.
Alternatively, they leave them with a neighbour who can be trusted. The golden rule here is that if your
neighbour doesn't then immediately entrust you with their own keys, they are not to be trusted.
This helps explain why so many people hide their keys instead. The favourite places are under the mat,
under the dustbin or in a place so secure that you completely wipe it from your memory. Others prefer to
carry their bunch of keys on their belt loop. The reason for this is that the one thing you're most unlikely
to forget when you walk out of the house is your trousers.
Everyone has a few big old shed keys with one tooth, all of which look interchangeable but aren't. The
reason why the key that looks remarkably like your shed key doesn't unlock the shed is because the key
that is your shed key doesn't open the shed, either. The whole point of keys is that no two keys are the
same - that's why it's foolish of you to expect that the key you got copied from your front door key will
actually open your front door.
One day, keys may be replaced by smart cards, but not until the cards are smart enough to get into your
back pocket when you've walked out of the house without them.
Biometrics will mean the end of all keys, smart or stupid. You'll simply roll up to your house, shout out it
'It's me', and the lock will completely ignore you, much like your girlfriend would in a similar situation.
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steve |
