I received the following message in a PM from an SI member who doesn't want to give her name. She gave me permission to post it here. I think she wanted you, especially, to know about her experience.
"I can't post this, my story:
After the rape, at gunpoint, I wanted to tear off my breasts lest people see me as a
woman, with a vagina, a potential target, a cum rag, I fantasized about blowing away the
scene of the crime, my forever infected vagina, with a shotgun, with the pellets moving
clear though my head to wipe away the memories, i couldn't eat, because why feed an
empty shell, air blew between my ears, I am tall and i lost 35#. I was a human skeleton.
Like vultures men seemed even more attracted to that diminished me. I packed on weight
to insulate me. I recoiled at any touch, i had nightmares bordering on delusions that
parasites were riddling my body, I had a pregnancy test three times, and then had an IUD
put in, and I kept it for three years after it needed removing, even when my husband, the
only man I even vaguely trusted got a vasectomy. He hates and wanted to kill the rapist
and I feared I would lose him. I had every resource available to me. I am still not quite
right.
Part of my recovery is knowing that I control my own vagina. I give it when I choose. I still
have nightmares I'm pregnant with a monster. Some of these people would have made me
carry that blob. I have no doubt I would have killed myself if forced to do so." |
