ETOYS MESSAGE BOARD POSTERS SUE SELVES
(Reuters, February 27, 2001, Los Angeles) A number of posters to the
eToys Yahoo stock message board announced today that they are filing a
class action lawsuit against themselves for "gross negligence, ignorance
and deception" based on their own posts of the last several months.
A spokesman for the group, eulaine2001, said she hoped the suit, "would
send a message to morons like us everywhere that we need to be
protected from ourselves."
Another poster using the ID, u_p_t_i_c_k, demanded that a court-ordered
"cease-and-desist" action be implemented against himself immediately.
"Have you seen my posts from today?" u_p_t_i_c_k asked. "This is
ridiculous. The courts must stop me from doing any further harm to
myself. I openly declare my idiocy!"
A poster identified as "learningman63" noted that he believed every bogus
buyout rumor that came along.
"The one about eToys being bought out by a Communist government is
the one I feel will make me millions in court," learningman said. "I mean,
can you believe it? I actually thought that the Chinese were gonna' save
my sorry ass position! I DESERVE to be sued by myself for that!"
Other posters concurred.
"Those lying bastards, of which I am one, deserve to be slapped hard in
Federal court," said pathfinder012001, also known as majxianxang and
joe_etoy. "I'm one of the primary posters and supporters of bogus buyout
rumors. Somebody needs to stop me before I invest again!"
A poster known as "hermcz" said his purported expertise should be
"thrown back in my face by the courts."
"I know next to NOTHING about trading stocks," herm said at the press
conference. "Me giving investment advice is like having Madonna preach
abstinence to high school kids. I'm sick and tired of my incompetence.
That's why I'm suing me."
eulaine2001 wrapped up the conference without taking questions from
reporters.
"God forbid I make a bigger ass out of myself than I already have," she
said. "I'm emptying my piggy banks now because I know my suit against
myself is likely to succeed."
A court date was scheduled for March 17. |
