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Pastimes : G&K Investing for Curmudgeons

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To: Uncle Frank who started this subject	3/9/2001 7:34:21 PM
From: Dr. Id	Read Replies (1) of 22706

A little cheering up... What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why are men and parking spaces alike? Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you . What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. . What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA. . Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. . What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe. How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say Shit? Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo". What's the Cuban National Anthem? Row row row your boat. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this stuff." Dr.Id@itcouldbeworse...anditwillbeonMonday!com

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