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Technology Stocks : Zitel-ZITL What's Happening
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To: Roger A. Babb who wrote (8019)6/7/1997 2:13:00 PM
From: Bill Wexler   of 18263
 
TOP TEN WAYS ZITEL WILL ACTUALLY EARN MONEY

10) Matridigm code analyzer succeeds in "capturing business rules" of a real business. Zitel executives study code analyzer output and come to the realize that the point of running a business is to make a profit.

9) Zitel receives cash award at PR Newswire annual awards banquet - "Best Science Fiction Story" category.

8) Jack King receives Christmas cards from short-sellers with little "thank you" gifts.

7) Franklin Chiang discovers that year 2000 bug makes slot machines go bezerk. Comes back from Vegas with 3 tons of nickels.

6) During visit to New York, Zitel executives make shrewd deal to buy Brooklyn Bridge for $1,000 from a guy named "Vinny".

5) David Stewart issues "strong buy" rating on Zitel...citing Brooklyn Bridge deal, Stewart estimates Zitel will earn 20 billion from charging tolls as New Yorkers flee during year 2000 computer panic..

4) Zitel merges with Psychic Friends Network. For only $3.99 a minute callers receive psychic advice and get their Cobol code converted at the same time!

3) At next annual shareholders meeting, executives plead with audience not to pilfer from collection plate.

2) While in prison, Zitel executives and David Stewart write best-seller on how to avoid being suckered in stock frauds.

1) Now that Zitel has plenty of borrowed cash for acquisitions, they're eyeing a certain gold mine in Indonesia.
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