Perfect Trader adjusts rates for subscribers who raise questions about the service. Disgruntled subscribers pay $1,870 month, instead of the normal low rate of $870. Because they're paying more for the service, they're under the impression that they're getting more in the way of services. Actually, that's true, given the way I've phrased that. We place new obstacles in the way of services, such as localized server problems.
Why are we so upfront about this? Because our extraordinary overnight (and fly-by-night) success allows us to treat customers however we like. Generally, customers welcome this treatment. They've come to expect it. We satisfy their expectations. Heck, we've gone downhill even before anyone has bought us out. In many ways, we're ahead of the times. We're tomorrow's company today, in accordance with our 20/20 Hindsight© philosophy.
Regarding TOU, IOU's are an equally pressing concern to us right now. We're drowning in debt. We're appealing to the Fed for a bailout, because in the increasingly likely event that Perfect Trader Inc. were to go out of business, the entire U.S. economy might be in jeopardy. We hold so many derivatives associated with the Japanese economy that we can't keep track of them on our Altair 8800 computer any longer. We didn't even know what derivatives were when we first got into them. We still don't (except maybe that they're the values of the rates of change of functions with respect to variables). No one sent us any literature, any prospectuses (prospecti?). That might be our legal argument, when all is said and done, when we start reaching for the Kleenices. Dewey, Cheatham & Howe will handle it to the best of their abilities, I'm sure. (I wanted to say collective ability, but the term "collective" might not be taken in the right way by Dewey, Cheatham & Howe. They're sensitive on that subject, since bill collection seems to be their principal ability.) |
