We should be able to lure more subscribers tomorrow with the introduction of Hyperactive Trading©, which we shouldn't actually copyright because it's so pervasive, but what the heck. Who's keeping an eye on this racket anyway?
We'll go long with all sorts of stocks, and then change our minds (I'd like to say we had a collective mind, but we don't), and then go short, and then chicken out, and then go long again, and then say we did the opposite. We'll do it all breathlessly. Heck, we'll do it breadthlessly, too, when breadth is negative.
At the end of the day, the trader who typed the largest number of recommended symbols is declared the winner. Naturally, every single call will turn out to be a profitable one, too. What a great day! (Permit me to comment on tomorrow's trading tonight, since it will be a great day! How could it not?!
I don't know why some people have so many difficulties in this market. It's simple. As with haute cuisine, it's all in the presentation. Well, I'm off to round up some wild dogs for the roasting spit tomorrow. Subscribers: Beef's already marinating for tomorrow's Mad Cow luncheon, in Perfect Trader Inc.'s special sauce.
Tomorrow's featured chatroom leader: Alan Greenspan! What a coup for us! Do your gurus have Alan in their chatrooms tomorrow? I think not! It's an exclusive arrangement. And to those of you who dare to insinuate that he's an impostor, you're all BANNED in advance. Will you people stop at nothing?! (We do reserve the right to use stand-ins.) Thursday, we'll be joined in our chatroom by a distant (and unsuccessful) cousin of Warren Buffet who'll show us how not to attempt to recoup losses, and Friday, we'll have a fundamental analysis seminar co-hosted by Henry Bloodbath and Mary Malarkey. |
